Going on Vacation & Leaving Aging Parent at Home

Transcript of Interview: “Going on Vacation & Leaving Aging Parent at Home”

Mike Barnes:

Summer vacation is always a fun time of the year except for when you have things on your mind. If you are in a situation where your parents, aging parents, may live with you or you are with them a lot and taking a big part in their care, it might be hard to think about being able to get away.

Kim Barnes:

Yeah, a little overburdened. So today, we are bringing in Jennifer Prescott from Blue Water Home Care and Hospice to help us think through the things that we need to take into consideration when we are planning for summer vacations.

Jennifer Prescott:

Well, I’m thrilled to be here. Vacation is something that we took our first vacation in five years just last week.

Kim Barnes:

Wow.

Jennifer Prescott:

Because you’ve had your mother-in-law living with you.

Kim Barnes:

Absolutely. She’s been with us for about four and a half years, and we finally decided that I’ve been preaching to everyone that you need to create margin in your life. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t practice what we preach. My teams were all prepared, and we decided to make a decision to go to Colorado, just my husband and I, and we had a fabulous time. But I’m excited to share with everyone sort of the tips and tricks and things actually preparing and also if you plan to bring your loved one with you.

Mike Barnes:

So let’s start with kind of like the situation that you had where your mother-in-law lives with you and you wanted to go on a vacation with just you and your husband. What do we do with our parent who lives with us or maybe that we’re just really involved in their care?

Jennifer Prescott:

Well, in my situation, my mother-in-law has mid-stage dementia, so Alzheimer’s disease, and she’s had a decline in the past two months. It’s been pretty significant. Over the past year, she’s had care four hours a day, five days a week. On the weekends, we took care of her, and what we noticed in our preparation for vacation was that this was not going to be enough. We needed to increase our care. We had a caregiver for 12 hours a day, and we noticed she was not safe overnight. I think a lot of families are struggling with that; they really want to go on vacation but are not sure what to do.

In our case, we utilized our company, Blue Water Home Care, to provide non-medical care for my mother-in-law. She needed medication reminders, to be reminded to take a shower, and meal preparation. She was starting to have some anxiety, which was one of our biggest fears. We started to let her know about a week before, but honestly, we probably should have waited closer to 48 hours before leaving. She was kind of spinning up, which gave us anxiety. We just had to reassure ourselves that we had the proper care in place at the right time.

Families need to decide what type of care they need. Sometimes they can use care from a family member to pop in and out and check on mom or dad, fill up medication planners, or something like that. They might not need full-blown care.

Mike Barnes:

Kim’s mom doesn’t live with us; she’s in independent living, but she’s talking to Kim every day all the time. If we go out of town, there’s a laundry list of things like, “Okay, mom needs to do this, mom needs to do that.” I have a feeling a lot of people are getting overwhelmed with so many things on the list. How do we handle something like that?

Jennifer Prescott:

Well, I think it’s important to have a point person at home. Even though we had an agency, we had a point person at home. We have neighbors, and one of them is a registered nurse. For us, she was one of those point people. Her son watched our dog, Molly, so it was a great situation where we knew that if there was a crisis, Tammy could jump in and help. It could be a family member, a friend, someone from church, or maybe you just need to use an agency. A good agency can provide backup if there’s a crisis situation.

The purpose of a vacation is a vacation. For me, it takes about a week to relax because of my world and our four children. Having backups in place helps it go a lot better.

Kim Barnes:

Now, what if you don’t feel safe leaving your parent at home while you’re gone?

Jennifer Prescott:

If you don’t feel safe, you have options. You can bring them with you, but there are also things like respite care. Respite care is offered by many agencies and assisted living facilities. I recommend contacting them about a month or two ahead of time if you’re planning ahead. Sometimes they have a minimum stay requirement, but it’s an excellent opportunity for you to have some time to truly focus on yourself, your spouse, or just take a break.

You could also bring your parent to a family member’s house or have family members come into their home. If people have memory issues, it may be easier to have someone come to their home versus having them travel.

Mike Barnes:

I know anyone in the Austin area would, of course, call Blue Water first thing to get somebody to help if they go out of town. But what if they’re somewhere else in the country? How do you know who to look for in-home care? How do you know you picked the right place?

Jennifer Prescott:

The first thing is to go online and ask your friends. I’m in the age cohort of 45 to 65-year-old females and males who are taking care of their aging parents. Ask your friends where they’ve had a good experience. You can also contact your chamber of commerce, talk to your doctor, or contact your local hospice. Although it might seem taboo, hospices can recommend good agencies.

Check our website for a blog that talks about the top 20 questions to ask when choosing an agency. You need to make sure it’s a company you trust, especially if you’re far away. You may also want to put cameras in the home to check in and make sure everything is good.

Kim Barnes:

I’d love to go back to respite care a little bit because I think that’s something a lot of people don’t really understand. The best analogy I can think of is that it’s almost like sending them to camp a little bit. They would go to a community and stay there, like going to a hotel.

Jennifer Prescott:

Exactly. It’s usually an assisted living facility. Respite care is private pay and not covered by insurance, but if you have a long-term care insurance policy, you may be able to use that. The costs range from the low $200s to $320 or so a day, which is less expensive than 24/7 care. You know there will always be someone there. You can also tour the facility, get references, and talk to your physician.

You don’t need a doctor’s prescription, but they will require medical records and medications. They want to make sure it’s the appropriate community for your loved one. Memory care might also be necessary for safety.

Mike Barnes:

These are great ideas for giving you a break and keeping your loved one safe. It also lets you try out independent or assisted living.

Jennifer Prescott:

We’re in the process of moving my mother-in-law to assisted living. It’s been a good opportunity to see the options available and choose the right agency for her care.

Kim Barnes:

Great ideas, thanks so much for all these tips.

Jennifer Prescott:

No problem, it’s been awesome. It gives us great ideas for what to do when you want to travel and need your parents to stay behind.

Mike Barnes:

Thank you so much, Jennifer, we appreciate it.

Jennifer Prescott:

Thank you.

Mike Barnes:

It almost makes you ready to go on vacation here and stuff like that. It’s so much involved, it can be a little overwhelming.

Kim Barnes:

Absolutely. Hopefully, these tips gave you ways to plan ahead and think through if you want to take your parents with you or if they are going Mike Barnes:

Make those plans and have a good summer vacation. If you have any other tips or tricks you want to tell us about, let us know. Parenting Aging Parents.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.