Traveling with Aging Parents on Vacation

Transcript of Interview: “Traveling with Aging Parents on Vacation”

Mike Barnes: You know, sometimes you’re going to take a summer vacation, and you can’t leave Mom or Dad at home. They have to come with you. Then what do you do? It’s a little bit tricky 

Kim Barnes: Once they are in a situation where they don’t travel as well as they used to, but they still want to come along. It can be a little hard, and I think probably planning ahead is going to be one of the most important things you can do. Jennifer Prescott is joining us today from Blue Water Home Care and Hospice. Thanks so much, Jennifer, for being with us.

Jennifer Prescott: Thanks for having me.

Kim Barnes: There probably are times when our aging parents don’t get around as well as they used to, but they’re still mentally really cognizant, and they want to go on vacation with you. Or maybe they have some memory challenges, and they still want to come with you. Would you agree that planning ahead is going to be the first thing you’re going to really want to focus on?

Jennifer Prescott: Absolutely, and I think it’s important as family members to know that we are truly creating memories with our loved ones, and they can be really positive. It’s also an opportunity for our kids to see how we are interacting with our older generation as well, so that they’ll encourage, hopefully, when we’re older, to take us on vacation as well.

Mike Barnes: Sure, sure. I feel like in some ways, you need to search your memory banks and remember when you had a little toddler and took them on vacation because, in some ways, it’s very similar, isn’t it?

Jennifer Prescott: It sure is. I think it’s definitely more challenging. Just like having a toddler or an infant, you’re carrying all those things. It’s not much different when you’re traveling with a senior that has some special needs. One of the things my mother-in-law does every year, we go to Fort Worth. That’s what we do for our vacation during the wintertime. We see family for Thanksgiving, and all the families get together. It’s sort of the one time of year where we’re all together. Gosh, in Texas, the food’s amazing. I couldn’t believe how great the food is. The barbecue is amazing, so I really look forward to these vacations. One of the things you have to think about is when people have Alzheimer’s, dementia, memory issues, you may need to be traveling on a plane. One of the first things you need to think about is planning ahead. One of those things is having a card in your wallet and a card in their wallet. If there’s someone who has memory issues, you need to keep a hold of their ID. Do not give someone with dementia their ID. Take a copy of it, keep a copy at home, and keep the original in your wallet. That is probably one of the most important things you need to do. Keeping their driver’s license and making sure that you have a list of all their medications with you.

We’ll talk about the paper stuff. The medications are really important. If you’re going a far distance, I would recommend having copies of their advanced directives. You never know, and if something were to happen to you, you want to make sure that you have all of your ducks in a row. Also, make copies of boarding passes and those kinds of things because you’ll be a little flustered and not quite on your game. Making copies of things, and now everything’s on your phone anyway, the boarding passes, so it does make it a little bit easier. Are you familiar, both of you, with parents who have memory issues? Do you ever carry the little cards that say, “Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I have Alzheimer’s disease. Please sit with me”? If you have a loved one, carry a little card. You can even do an index card for yourself, so that if you need some help at the ticket counter and they’re acting a little bizarre, it would be important to hand them something like that.

Kim Barnes: Okay, like a little code, without having to point it out loud in front of them.

Jennifer Prescott: Exactly. It’s about being respectful to them. You can hand it to a TSA agent, which is really helpful. There’s a program with the TSA called TSA Cares. Within 72 hours of your trip, you can call the TSA and let them know you need some assistance through security. A lot of people aren’t aware of that. That’s a free option, and you can also contact your airline as well. They can help you, and most people are familiar with that. But it’s new for me to learn about the TSA opportunity, and there’s no cost to that. That’s a great tip.  Great, and then they’ll pop you right through. You don’t have to stand up in that crazy machine because that’s very overwhelming for someone with a memory disorder. Very overwhelming.

Kim Barnes: Do you think that depending on the distance, sometimes you don’t have an option except to fly, but is it easier for a person with memory issues to travel by plane than by car if it was going to be an all-day car ride, or does it just depend on the person?

Jennifer Prescott: I think it depends on the person. I’ll be honest with you. Last week, my husband and I went to Colorado. It was easy peasy in Austin, but when we were in Denver coming back, our first flight was canceled, we had to rebook, and the line at four o’clock in the morning was super long. I can’t imagine being with someone that has cognitive defects or functional defects at four o’clock in the morning. That would be really challenging, so you have to balance what’s right for the situation. But you definitely need to make sure you have snacks, a refillable water bottle, and other necessities. Many seniors get dehydrated and have an increased risk of urinary tract infections.

Mike Barnes: Again, very similar to traveling with kids, right? Small children.

Jennifer Prescott: Right.

Kim Barnes: If you’re flying, you’ve shared some great tips for being able to talk to the airline ahead of time and make sure they’re prepared. Getting through TSA, getting through security—that’s super helpful. Anything else if you’re flying that we should keep in mind? Snacks, water, and all that?

Jennifer Prescott: Yes, pretty common sense, but we can all be flustered. Medications, make sure you’re carrying a full change of clothes or two. Any personal incontinence items need to be brought as well. I would recommend bringing some gloves because they may have anxiety and have an accident. It’s easier to deal with it in a family bathroom if you’ve got gloves on. Bring wipes for the plane, hand sanitizer, of course. As of right now, masks are not mandatory, but that could change. Another important thing is to bring a current photo of your loved one. Keep it in your wallet because they may wander off or get confused, and you need to be able to show a picture to an agent to help find them.

Mike Barnes: Great tips. Now, when we get to our destination, if Mom or Dad are with us, there may be a time when Kim and I want to go out by ourselves. Is there a way to get things set up ahead of time so that there is respite or some place for them to stay for a few hours, half the day, or a day while we’re out? How do we do that ahead of time?

Jennifer Prescott: I think the easiest thing would be to ask your family members if you’re visiting them. Ask if someone can hang out with Mom or Dad for four to six hours so you can take some time away. You can also utilize an agency. Now that everything’s on Zoom, you can set things up ahead of time. Many agencies take care of clients coming for short-term stays. They might need eight hours a day or four hours a day. An agency can help with that. Unfortunately, it’s not like the pop-in daycare centers. You can’t really do that. Maybe it’s a situation where you decide to go on a trip, like a cruise, and your family member can hang out with the grandkids or something like that just so they’re safe. It’s important to have some time away if possible because vacations with family don’t necessarily feel like vacations sometimes.

Mike Barnes: When you say ahead of time, how far ahead of time? A week, a month? If we’re going someplace at Christmas and it’s July now, should we reserve something now?

Jennifer Prescott: With the pandemic, there’s a caregiver shortage. If you’re looking for an agency, 90 days would be amazing, 60 days would be great, and 30 days is okay. Anything sooner than that might be difficult because a lot of agencies won’t want to take a client just for three days. But if you call ahead and tell them your story, they might be more accommodating.

Kim Barnes: One of the things I keep thinking about with traveling is if I were to take my mom on a trip, on trips we’ve gone on in the past, there were things we could do. I think some of it is also setting expectations for yourself and maybe for them too. How do you process that?

Jennifer Prescott: I think it’s about setting expectations and maybe lowering the bar a little bit. Maybe Mom’s used to being active all day, but now she might just sit on the beach and you sit with her, collecting seashells or talking about them. Maybe the activity will be different, but you’re still spending quality time together. If you’re trying to pack your vacation with too many activities, it might be too much. Have one person come at a time, depending on your situation. Some family members might enjoy having everyone there and making food together, but it really depends. Lowering your own expectations and making sure you’re taking care of yourself is important.

Planning for airline delays, making sure you have enough medications for 14 days instead of just seven. 

Mike Barnes: It’s like traveling with kids again. When they get older, it’s better because they can take care of themselves. It’s the same thing here—setting expectations.

Kim Barnes: Especially if your parent doesn’t move as fast as they used to, be patient and plan ahead. Allow enough time because getting to the gate in five minutes might not be realistic. Keep in mind that it might be different from previous vacations with your parents. It doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing; it just means it’s different.

Jennifer Prescott: Also, think about equipment. Your family member might be okay walking around but not standing for 90 minutes. Consider borrowing a walker or a wheelchair from a lending library, like AGE of Central Texas. Airports tend to have wheelchairs, but during busy times, it might be hard to find one.

Kim Barnes: Planning ahead and thinking through, just like with children. Do I have the stroller, car seat, entertainment? 

Jennifer Prescott: Meals too—try not to eat a bunch of junk food. Plan meals ahead of time, order meals to be delivered, or have Instacart deliver food. Try to keep normalcy because constipation is an issue for seniors. Make sure they’re eating fruits and vegetables and not just junk food.

Mike Barnes: Great suggestions, Jennifer. I’m ready to go right now.

Kim Barnes: Thank you. Definitely think back to the days when you had children and pre-plan. Loved the ideas about TSA and getting through security faster. You still want to make those memories, even if it looks a little different. It’s so similar, but you can still have a good time. 

Mike Barnes: We have a good time here on Parenting Aging Parents. Let us know if you have any suggestions at all.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.