Helping our aging parents move

Transcript of Interview: “Helping our aging parents move”

Mike Barnes:

You know, both of us have gone through the parental moving process—moving from a house into independent living for both of our cases. And it wasn’t easy. We had to convince the parents, and we had to figure out what to do with the stuff. It’s a big change when you’re switching from a house to an apartment and just a different lifestyle. There are lots of things, though, that when you’re planning for that move and helping your parent with that move, we can do to really make it a little bit easier. 

Kim Barnes:

Today, we have Leah Harlig, and her company is Essential Next Steps, and they are a move manager. I love that.

Thank you, Leah. Thanks so much for being with us. As Mike mentioned, we’ve both done this with our parents, moving from a house to independent living. Fortunately, in my case, my mom had decided that this was something she wanted to do, so it was a little bit easier. But it’s still stressful when you’re moving and having to make all those adjustments. I imagine that a lot of what you do is taking care of the details so that it doesn’t feel as stressful for them.

Leah Harlig:

That is a big component of our job—to make it as easy and stress-free as possible for the client, for the family, and for the community where the client is moving.

Mike Barnes:

There’s so much stress involved if the parents aren’t ready to really make that move. In our case, both of us kind of had to force the issue to a certain extent. Not too much, but we kept talking just a little bit. We just kept talking. The best thing is, both sides finally bought in, and they love where they are now. So, it helps a lot, but it’s still something that you need to plan ahead of time and start that conversation rolling.

Leah Harlig:

Exactly. The earlier you start the conversation, the better, so you’re not hit cold with something huge.

Kim Barnes:

I would imagine the earlier they can decide what kind of place they want to live, what amenities they need, and things like that, it’s going to make it easier. But once they’ve decided is when somebody like you comes in. In our case, it was me. I had my mom put sticky notes on the things she really wanted to keep. We would try to figure out if they would fit. I imagine a lot of what you do is figuring out how to take what they had in a house and put it in an apartment. What advice do you have?

Leah Harlig:

Exactly. Our advice is to identify the pieces that are most essential so we can actually create a home for you in your new environment. Typically, we’ll meet with the client, see what it is they want to move, and then create a floor plan to make sure it works in the new space. When we want something to work in the new space, not only must it be beautiful, but it needs to be functional. We need to make sure there are clear pathways, especially if a parent is walking with an assistive device. Clear pathways and plenty of space are essential. Once the floor plans are approved, we start to move forward so that everybody knows what to expect. The client has a good idea of what the new space will be like.

Kim Barnes:

One of the things we quickly realized with my mom was that most of her furniture wouldn’t fit. She was going from a big, oversized leather couch, and there wasn’t room. For her, it was an opportunity to get a few new pieces of furniture and make it more exciting to move into a new place with new stuff.

Leah Harlig:

Absolutely. Sometimes, furniture in a house is designed for the parameters of the house, and most senior communities have smaller apartments that aren’t designed to hold full-size furniture. A couch might be replaced with a love seat, or a couple of recliners might take the place of a couch.

Mike Barnes:

So, the first thing is really assessing their current furniture and decorations—what has sentimental value, what needs to be kept, but being aware that not everything may fit.

Kim Barnes:

Yes, my parents found the same thing. They moved into an independent living place about five years ago but still had the house. We convinced them last year to sell the house because it was costing too much and taking too much time to maintain. For four years, they gradually brought some stuff from the house to the independent living place. When we sold the house, we had to figure out what to do with everything. We had an estate sale, gave stuff to relatives, and took some stuff ourselves. But a lot of people don’t have that luxury and may need to do it all at once, which adds more stress to the situation.

Leah Harlig:

Things can happen quickly if need be. If you don’t have the luxury of keeping your current home as you move into the new place, we work with estate sale providers to help clear it out. Consignment and donations are also options. A good move manager will direct you in all of those areas. There are also disposal services, some of which ensure that nothing goes to landfill by donating most of what they pick up to nonprofits. Knowing that their things will be used and appreciated can make it easier for people to part with them.

Kim Barnes:

You shared with me before about people giving things to friends, which I thought was an interesting idea.

Leah Harlig:

We met a wonderful couple who invited their friends to come to their home and pick out what they wanted. They started with their best friends first and had two or three waves of friends come and do that. They got to enjoy their friends enjoying their things before they left, which brought them great joy.

Kim Barnes:

I love that idea. It’s not just about getting rid of stuff; it’s about giving it to people who will appreciate it. But, for things that don’t have a place or use, it’s not worth putting them in storage.

Leah Harlig:

Absolutely. Paying for storage units can add unnecessary costs. When moving, it’s essential to think about what you’re moving from one place to another and what to do with the rest. Creating a plan together with the client ensures there’s a team effort in moving forward. A good move manager takes care of packing, moving, and unpacking so the client isn’t living in boxes. When they come in, their home is set up and ready for them. It’s hard for most people to imagine, but it’s a beautiful thing to see when it happens.

Kim Barnes:

I kind of had this vision of extreme home makeovers, where people walk in and are surprised. You probably get some of those same expressions, like, “Oh, it’s ready, and it feels like home.”

Leah Harlig:

Yes, it’s amazing to see it all come together. The artwork, family photos, and decor make it feel like home. That’s the goal.

Mike Barnes:

We did that with my mom. I was in charge of packing and helping her decide what to keep, and my sister-in-law helped figure out where things would go in the new place. Together, we made it feel like her home.

Leah Harlig:

Yes, you can see things newly in a new environment, which can be fun. We recently had a client who moved a piece from her bedroom to the living room, and it felt like a new piece of art.

Kim Barnes:

So many great things to think about. Any way to reduce the stress is great.

Mike Barnes:

Yes, absolutely. Thank you, Leah. We really appreciate it.

Leah Harlig:

Thank you. It’s my pleasure.

Mike Barnes:

Definitely things to think about. In our case, we ended up doing it ourselves, but it’s nice to know there are people like Leah who can provide that service if you don’t have the time.

Kim Barnes:

Especially if you’re not close to where your parents live or don’t have the time. Having that extra help can reduce stress tremendously and help with communication between family members. Sometimes, hearing it from a third person makes a difference.

Mike Barnes:

If you have any topics you’d like us to talk to an expert about, let us know here on Parenting Aging Parents.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.