Helping Your Aging Parent with Technology

Transcript of Interview: “Helping Your Aging Parent with Technology”

Kim Barnes:

Technology can be a challenge for all of us, but especially for our seniors. 

Mike Barnes:

Even before then, I remember when I was a college kid and I’d get a phone call at seven o’clock in the morning from my dad saying, “Son, I’m having trouble with Lotus.” It was a spreadsheet program back then. I’d be on the phone half asleep saying, “C colon backslash backslash,” and I guess it’s similar now. 

Kim Barnes:

I admittedly have trouble with the remote control for the TV sometimes because they just keep getting so fancy, and that’s not something I’ve taken the time to learn. So, we know that technology, especially our phones and our computers, have just advanced, and for our parents, that’s a little bit of a challenge.

Think about all the things that have come around technology-wise just in the last 20 years, and just getting used to that—the iPhones, different computers, and now having to do stuff on Zoom and all kinds of different virtual platforms. It’s overwhelming for everybody, but especially for seniors. So, I’m very excited to introduce you to Nikki Linko, who has a technology company, Exhale Technology Solutions, and she works a lot with seniors. Thanks so much for being with us, Nikki.

Nikki Linko:

You’re welcome. I’m happy to be here.

Kim Barnes:

I know you get a lot of questions and help a lot of seniors. What are their biggest challenges, do you think?

Nikki Linko:

I think the biggest thing with seniors is, you know, they’ve lived a full life, and then for some reason, these little contraptions just become something they don’t know how to work. They get frustrated; they’re embarrassed that they can’t work it. So, basically, when they’re calling, they just want to learn. They go into a store, pay $800 for a device, and with no instruction, they’re just sent off and told, “Good luck.” They get frustrated and scared because they’re not sure of the technology and don’t know if they’re going to press something and delete all their contacts. It’s very scary for them.

Kim Barnes:

I learned a long time ago with my dad, especially in the computer age and now the iPhone age, to keep it simple.

Nikki Linko:

Exactly, exactly. On Android phones, they actually have a mode that’s like a simple mode versus the mode that most people have it in. Apple doesn’t have that feature, but Android addresses that specifically. Apple is typically seen as a little bit easier platform for seniors, but they don’t have that specific feature.

Mike Barnes:

One thing I did when we got my mom an iPhone, which she resisted—she loved her flip phone—but I just said, “Please, let’s get an iPhone,” was for her to be able to do potentially texting, which has not gone as well as we had thought. I really wanted her to have an iPhone, so I ended up pulling off almost every app that gets me. I took off Safari, anything I thought would be potentially confusing. I knew she didn’t want to check her email on her phone, so I took off anything I could. Anything built into the phone that is not removable, I put it all into a folder and hoped she wouldn’t click on that folder too often.

Nikki Linko:

Absolutely. A lot of times, you can move the folder to the next page so that if they don’t understand the swiping, they can’t get lost. Good idea. Again, keeping it simple.

Mike Barnes:

With my dad, especially since he got his iPhone years ago, he’ll call me because he’s having some trouble. He’ll say, “I’ve lost this” or “This isn’t working.” Rather than going through all the technical details, nine times out of ten, I tell him, “Dad, turn it off and turn it back on.” And it works. “Son, you’re so smart.” The best thing is, at the retirement place where he lives now, people come to him and say, “John, turn it off and on. You’re a genius.”

Nikki Linko:

Exactly. Well, that is kind of the standard in IT. If something doesn’t work, try to turn it off and turn it back on. That’s the first thing we’ll tell you to do for sure.

Kim Barnes:

What are the things that you think, as the children helping our parents, we need to keep in mind?

Nikki Linko:

I think the biggest thing is just to treat them with respect. A lot of clients I end up with, their family has tried to assist them in the past, but it goes like this: the family member gets frustrated, grabs the device from the parent, does it for them, and hands it back. They don’t have the opportunity to learn, so when they’re on their own, they don’t know how to fix what was broken. They aren’t treated respectfully, and it assumes they don’t want to learn or aren’t capable of learning.

Kim Barnes:

Some of our parents want to learn and understand it more than others. Some probably do want us just to fix it for them, and others really do want to learn.

Nikki Linko:

In the community I live in, we have a lot of engineers and ex-CEOs who are very curious about the devices and how they work. When I sit down with them, I ask where they are. If they want me to just do it, I can do that and write detailed instructions. But with my seniors, we go through the exercise to learn, and as soon as I’m away from it, they lose it. Before COVID, I had iPhone classes where we took out the devices, touched them, changed settings, and got comfortable making changes, knowing they couldn’t screw it up. It’s about walking through it very slowly and gauging where they are.

Kim Barnes:

Also, not forcing them to make the change. I was persistent with my mom about getting an iPhone and trying it for a month. If she hated it, we’d go back to the flip phone. With Mike’s dad, he really liked his home button, and the swiping wasn’t working for him, so we didn’t change it.

Nikki Linko:

Absolutely. iPhones have been out for about 11 or 12 years, and for 10 years, we had that little home button. When the swiping came out, it got confusing. If you can go back to the iPhone 8 and give them that home button, it would be fantastic. A lot of times, family members want their parents to be on the same platform, but at 80, learning a Mac over PC might not be as easy. Just try to discern where they are.

Mike Barnes:

One final thing I’ve learned with my dad and Kim’s mom, since they live in different cities, is to have a backup plan. With my dad, he does Wi-Fi printing, but if the Wi-Fi goes out, I’ve set him up to know where the cord is to plug into his laptop. It took about six months to figure out a backup plan to make sure it could always work.

Kim Barnes:

So many different things to keep in mind, and then the computer is a whole other thing.

Nikki Linko:

Yes, absolutely.

Kim Barnes:

Thank you so much for this insight. Hopefully, this will be really helpful for people to remember to be patient. It’s really easy to get frustrated. The fourth time Mom accidentally pocket dialed me or pocket FaceTimed me, trying to be patient and remember that they want to do it right.

Nikki Linko:

Right, and it’s their connection to the outside world. The whole reason I ended up working with seniors is that they are so intimidated by it, and I want them to be empowered by it. If they’re empowered by their devices, it opens up a whole new world for them.

Mike Barnes:

Thank you, Nikki. We appreciate it.

Kim Barnes:

 If you have other ideas or topics you’d like us to cover, let us know. 

Mike Barnes:

Parenting aging parents is not an easy process, but if we’re all together, it makes things a little simpler.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.