How do you know if a senior living community is a good fit for your aging parent?
When you go to move your parents to Independent Living or Assisted Living or Memory Care, it can be an overwhelming process. What do you look for? What questions do you ask? Are there red flags you should notice?
Christine Sevier is a Senior Living Advisor with Creating New Hope. She talks with Kim and Mike Barnes of Parenting Aging Parents about the different things to observe when touring a community and questions to ask for different living environments.
Read the full transcript
Transcript of Interview: “Senior Housing: What to look for and what to ask”
Mike Barnes:
You know, between the two of us, we’ve been through, I guess, three parental moves: your mom, my mom and dad once, and then my mom into memory care. I think all three times we were kind of confused and lost. I thought this was a good option, but I didn’t really know. Especially with my mom, we moved her to memory care and had no idea what we were doing.
Kim Barnes:
We wanted to bring in an expert. So today, we are talking to Christine Sevier. She is a senior advisor in the San Francisco Bay Area. Thanks so much for being with us.
Christine Sevier:
Absolutely, thank you for having me.
Kim Barnes:
When we are helping our parents, it can be a little bit overwhelming because it’s not something we’ve ever done before. I know Mike likes to say that when he took his parents independent living shopping, they thought, “Oh, it’s kind of like looking for an apartment,” especially with memory care. But it really is a lot more than that, isn’t it?
Christine Sevier:
Oh, absolutely. It’s really about identifying what residents need and matching like residents with like residents. It’s about deep diving with that family, finding out what’s most important to their loved one, and what type of support they need.
Mike Barnes:
And there’s a big difference between looking for independent living and assisted living.
Christine Sevier:
One hundred percent. I would say if you’re on the independent search side, bring your loved ones into the conversation as much as possible. Invite them out to a lunch or a brunch, or check the activities calendar and maybe check in with the director and say, “Hey, can I come to the Easter festivities? Can I bring my mom?” You really want to see if this is a good community that matches what they’re interested in.
Kim Barnes:
That was something that my mom really found at the community where she lives now in independent living. She just felt like it was very homey and very comfortable, and for her, that was really important, along with a lot of activities.
Christine Sevier:
Yes, keeping folks engaged as much as possible will keep them healthy. Since the pandemic, we’ve seen that isolation is a complete burden. Having a sense of community and being able to socialize with friends, go to a cocktail hour, those are important things even at 70, 80 years old.
Mike Barnes:
Location is a huge factor that I think a lot of people kind of overlook. When my mom and dad first moved to independent living, their final two choices were one that was about five miles from my sister’s house and one that was about 30 minutes away but close to their doctors. As my dad was talking to me about it, I said, “Are you kidding? Stay close to my sister because if something happens, you want her there.”
Christine Sevier:
Absolutely. Especially if you’re preparing for some complex health issues, I always tell families the best community you can choose is the one you’re closest to and can get to the fastest. The reality is you’re not going to hand over your parents and everything is going to be taken care of. You are a care partner in this whole dynamic relationship, and you’re going to be walking alongside your care partners and making decisions.
Kim Barnes:
When you start looking at assisted living, whether it’s for health concerns or memory care, that opens up a lot of different questions and things to look for.
Christine Sevier:
Yes, absolutely. If you already know you have a Parkinson’s diagnosis in the family, you want to make sure that the community has another level of support they can bring in. There is such a thing as transfer trauma, so moving people over and over again into new environments with new people can cause a significant decline. You really want stability and continuity of care.
Mike Barnes:
I’m very honest when I tell people that when my sister and I were choosing a memory care place for our mom, we looked at four different places. The one we chose was the one that gave my sister a little hug because it was an emotional time. That wasn’t a good reason, and we had no idea what questions to ask or what red flags to look for.
Christine Sevier:
Having that sense of compassion is important, but here are some things to consider: When touring a community, look at the care staff. Do they look rushed? Are they speeding to the next client and don’t have time to say hello? Does the administrative staff know the residents’ names? Are they saying, “Oh, hi Betty, how’s it going?” or is it just rushed? Are they overworked? You want to make sure they’re adequately staffed.
Kim Barnes:
What are some other things that we should be visually looking for when we’re in the community?
Christine Sevier:
If your loved one likes to be made up every day, look to see if the residents have that sense of dignity. Are their hair and fingernails clean? Are they well-groomed? Especially if the loved one can’t advocate for themselves, tap into transparency records and see what their performances have been like. Do they have a history of bedsores or personal rights violations?
Kim Barnes:
Especially if your parents can’t take care of themselves as much as they used to. One thing I commented on when we see pictures of Mike’s mom is that she always looks nice. She has her fingernails painted and always has her purse and earrings.
Christine Sevier:
Yes, it’s important. If someone has worn a ring for 75 years or those pearl earrings every Sunday, they will feel for that. Maybe they can’t communicate it, but their body will remember those earrings and that ring.
Mike Barnes:
When it’s a job interview, we’re taught to know the questions to ask about benefits, salary, etc. It’s the same here. You’re interviewing people who will take care of your parents, so you need to have good questions ready.
Christine Sevier:
Absolutely. Outline your care plan and expectations. Don’t skip the simple things they’ve done for years. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s, and she had these fuzzy socks with lavender beads. To regulate her, we had to microwave those socks, put them on her feet, and then she was calm. You need to jot down those things for your care team.
Kim Barnes:
What are some of those important questions to ask the community?
Christine Sevier:
Ask what they do in the event of an emergency or an unwitnessed fall. Are they calling family members? Is there a nurse in the building? In terms of medication management, who’s taking care of it? Also, ensure the community charts intake and output because UTIs and dehydration are common. A log system can help track this.
Mike Barnes:
Is it easier or harder to find a one-size-fits-all place with independent living, assisted living, and memory care, where you only have to move them once?
Christine Sevier:
Most communities now have that model—independent, assisted, and memory care. In the Bay Area, many communities have adapted and now have memory care. Memory care is a huge need right now.
Kim Barnes:
As we’re looking at places, you mentioned a lot depends on what’s important to the family. What are some other things to consider?
Christine Sevier:
Identify what’s important to the family, like spiritual practices. Get to know the executive director because they are key. If you’re bringing a complaint, also bring some cookies. They’re working hard taking care of many people.
Mike Barnes:
One of the big things when we moved my mom was worrying about our dad. How often could he visit? The executive director was very supportive and helps him in every way possible.
Christine Sevier:
Absolutely. There is an adjustment period. If someone is going into a community alone, ask if they have a greeting committee or community ambassadors to help connect them with new friends.
Kim Barnes:
It’s like going back to elementary or middle school, where the new kid needs to feel comfortable and welcome.
Mike Barnes:
So many questions. Thanks for giving us so many answers, Christine. We really appreciate it.
Christine Sevier:
You’re welcome. Thanks for having me.
Kim Barnes:
It’s interesting to have specific questions and things to look for because when you go into a community, you might just think, “Okay, it looks nice,” but you need to notice things like cleanliness or if people look engaged. It’s more detailed than just looking for an apartment for yourself.
Mike Barnes:
Absolutely. If you have any other topics you’d like us to talk about and discuss with an expert, let us know. Parenting Aging Parents.
*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.
