Mom’s move to independent living

Transcript of Interview: “Mom’s move to independent living”

Kim Barnes:

Mom, I want to introduce you to our community. Say hi.

Dee Zook:

Hi, how are you?

Kim Barnes:

Well, I wanted to talk a little bit about your move to independent living. We had talked about this several years ago, and there was a time when you really felt like that’s not something you wanted to do.

Dee Zook:

That’s true.

Kim Barnes:

Why was that?

Dee Zook:

I was living by myself because my husband had died, and I was perfectly happy. When the thought of moving came up, I didn’t like it. I knew where I was moving to was right in my neighborhood, where I had been for many years. I decided to go check it out.

Kim Barnes:

Let’s go back a little bit before that. You’ve been there now about two and a half years. I remember that Christmas before when my brother and I brought it up to you. We thought maybe we should start thinking about this because you weren’t able to drive anymore after your eye surgery. You had been at home for about a year without driving. I remember having the discussion around Christmas and saying, “Hey Mom, do you want to maybe go look at some retirement communities? It would be kind of fun.” And you said, “Not a chance.” Do you remember that?

Dee Zook:

Yeah, I think so.

Kim Barnes:

Was it more about the thought of moving or something else?

Dee Zook:

I think it had to do with change. Somebody suggested I move to Parkway Place where my parents lived and died, and I had no interest in doing that. Tarrytown was right in my neighborhood, and I felt more comfortable.

Kim Barnes:

In December, we talked about looking at places, and you said, “Not a chance, no way.” Then in January, your brother came into town, and I was out of town. He had a list of a few places and said, “Hey, maybe we should go look at some places.” What made you decide then to entertain the idea?

Dee Zook:

I’m not really sure.

Kim Barnes:

Did he just kind of forcefully say, “We’re just going to go on a drive and look around”?

Dee Zook:

Yeah, and I thought it was just a thought.

Kim Barnes:

You moved pretty quickly on that. I called you a couple of days later, and you said, “Guess what? I’m moving.” It took us by surprise. Was there something about that particular place or what clicked for you?

Dee Zook:

I wouldn’t have to cook for myself, and I didn’t have a car, so getting to the grocery store was difficult. That was all taken care of. When I moved into Tarrytown, it was great. Three meals a day, playing bridge, or whatever you want to do.

Kim Barnes:

When you first moved in, we said you had to try every activity.

Dee Zook:

Which I did.

Kim Barnes:

What activities do you do regularly?

Dee Zook:

My favorite activity is playing bridge.

Kim Barnes:

You have a standing dominoes appointment every day at three, don’t you?

Dee Zook:

Exactly. I go to exercise every day.

Kim Barnes:

You also play other card games, right? Some you’ve never even heard of.

Dee Zook:

That’s true. Hand and Foot is a game I had never heard of before.

Kim Barnes:

Those activities keep you engaged. One of the reasons we talked to you about moving was we didn’t like the idea of you being in a house by yourself, unable to drive, with not much to do. You’re not a big reader, so there wasn’t much to do except watch television or play on the computer. Even though you used Lyft for a while, being at Tarrytown allows you to have a ride if you need one, right?

Dee Zook:

Yes.

Kim Barnes:

What about having people around?

Dee Zook:

That’s great. It’s very different from living in a house by yourself.

Kim Barnes:

What would you suggest to people who have parents that they want to consider moving to a retirement community? What can they share to help their parents be more open to the idea?

Dee Zook:

It’s hard sometimes to say, “Hey Mom, we think this would be good for you.” But highlighting the benefits like safety, activities, not having to keep up a house, and not having to cook can help. Timing is also important.

Kim Barnes:

When we first suggested it, you weren’t ready. A month later, when your brother suggested it, you were.

Dee Zook:

Yes.

Kim Barnes:

Was there something about Tarrytown that made you feel it was a good move?

Dee Zook:

It’s a very family-oriented place, and the food is excellent.

Kim Barnes:

You made the decision to move without talking to me or my brother. Was it still a couple of months away when you decided?

Dee Zook:

Yes, and I never really had second thoughts. People asked why I didn’t go to Parkway Place, but I knew Tarrytown was the right decision for me.

Kim Barnes:

Was there any hesitation about moving?

Dee Zook:

I was nervous because it was a change, but once I made the decision, I was ready to go.

Kim Barnes:

We helped set up your apartment with new furniture, making it feel like home. You got involved in activities, which makes you feel like you belong and have people to talk to. Some people stay in their room all the time, but that’s not you.

Dee Zook:

No, I like to be involved.

Kim Barnes:

Staying in your room in independent living isn’t much different from staying in a house by yourself. But at least here, people would notice if you didn’t come to a meal.

Dee Zook:

Yes.

Kim Barnes:

Any last words for other adult children helping their parents make this decision?

Dee Zook:

When I made the decision to move, I was apprehensive, but I’m glad I made it. I wouldn’t change anything.

Kim Barnes:

Thanks for sharing your experience. Hopefully, it helps others going through the same thing.

Dee Zook:

You’re welcome.

Kim Barnes:

Hope this is helpful.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.