Time to sell your parents house?
That can be a stressful situation. Both Kim & Mike have gone through that with their parents over the last few years.
Depending on your situation, you might need a little help.
Kim & Mike Barnes, Parenting Aging Parents, talk to Nancy Jones, a Senior Real Estate Specialist, who gives us some insight on different ways to navigate the process.
Read the full transcript
Transcript of Interview: “Helping an Aging Parent Sell Their House”
Mike Barnes:
Yeah, I think one of the toughest things for both of us when our parents got a little bit older is that we had to convince them it was time to sell the house. It’s tricky and it’s sensitive. There’s just a whole lot wrapped up in that.
Kim Barnes:
Yes, and so we wanted to bring on Nancy Jones with Compass Real Estate. She has a special designation to help seniors with their home sales. So, Nancy, we’re glad to have you with us because I think this is a touchy subject and a really important one because you’re dealing with most people’s largest investment that they have, which is in their home.
Nancy Jones:
Yeah, very true.
Kim Barnes:
So, Nancy, let’s just start with, you know, what are the things that we need to let our parents know? Say, in our situation, we were doing a little bit of convincing and prodding, but there are going to be some of our parents who just know that it’s time to sell because they want to move to a retirement community, or maybe they’re moving to downsize and be closer to where their children are. What are the things, though, that we need to let our parents know in that circumstance to help them be prepared for selling?
Nancy Jones:
Well, we need to really talk to them and listen to them. We want to dispel their worries and their concerns and their fears because this is a huge move for them. Say they’re going to move to a retirement home. It will be a huge transition for them to leave their own home where they’ve maintained that home, taken care of it, probably lived there for a long time, to move to a retirement area where they will be living in a smaller area and around people that are like them and activities. You need to really push the positive side of that and what a great transition that will be for them at that time of their life.
Kim Barnes:
Yeah, I know with my mom, I kept saying, “No more cooking! You’ll get three meals a day.” That was convincing. She loves all the activities, and so that was a big selling point. But she was living in a home by herself and couldn’t drive anymore, so it became isolating.
Nancy Jones:
Yes, really push the positive. And when it’s assisted living, you really want to get the kids involved, don’t you?
Mike Barnes:
Yeah, you really do because if it’s assisted living, that means that the senior client is declining mentally or physically and they really can’t live alone anymore. They really can’t stay in their home anymore. They’re very fearful, and you have to spend a lot of time talking with them, being patient, talking about how they’ll be taken care of and there will be someone there to meet their needs 24 hours a day. You also need to push the positive and reassure the adult children that you will be there to help them every step of the way. They might have already found the assisted living facility, which will make it easier, but if they haven’t, then I, as a senior real estate specialist, can certainly help them find the facility that will really meet their parents’ needs.
Kim Barnes:
When it comes to the transaction and all of the moving pieces that are involved in that, why is it important to have somebody like you or somebody who has that specialty?
Nancy Jones:
Well, first of all, I really feel like a senior real estate specialist has to have extra compassion, empathy, understanding, knowledge, communication—all of those things that you normally need. You need to have all of those and a lot of patience. It takes a lot, but you have to have the resources. What are they going to need to do to sell their house? Are they going to need someone to help with decluttering? Are they going to need somebody to help with repairs, moving? Whatever they need, I have those resources. The adult children are very busy; their lives are busy, they usually have children, they’re working. They really depend on me to help them in this process because they really don’t have time to do it.
Mike Barnes:
I know it sounds kind of silly. My dad was an accountant, so he knows a lot about money. He handled a lot of money with the company that he worked for. And yet, when I was convincing him to sell the house and knowing that we were going to be moving my mom eventually into memory care, I said, “Look, okay, we sell it for X amount and whatever we get now, divide it by the amount that it’s going to cost for mom to be in memory care and look how many months that is.” Do you always have to spell that out with the kids and/or the parents just to show them the benefits of, “Look, this is going to take care of mom and dad, or mom or dad, for months if not years because of selling the house”?
Nancy Jones:
Yes, you do, but you need to know so much, you need to have so much information. At that point, I really think you need to bring in other resources—legal people, tax people. If they have accountants, definitely bring them in because there are just too many details involved when you’re talking about the money aspect of it. You can help them in general, but the main thing you want to do is help them get the best price they can get for that house so it will go toward paying for that parent’s care.
Kim Barnes:
Do you find that some people, if they’ve lived in that house for 30 or 40 years, maybe they haven’t done a bunch of renovating recently. Are they worried about spending money upfront and not realizing that they’re going to get some money on the back end because of selling it?
Nancy Jones:
Yes, they will worry about that. You need to work with them on those things and explain to them what really needs to be done to get the best price for this house. That’s where we have our expertise—knowing what they need to do. Do they need to paint? Do they need to fix that plumbing leak? Do they need to fix the yard up? Whatever really needs to be done to get the best price for that house. Once you can explain that in detail to them and why you need to do it, they’re usually willing to do it.
Kim Barnes:
It sounds like there definitely are some things that are unique to selling a home at this stage of your life, depending on if you are downsizing or if you are moving to a retirement community or if you’re doing it for health reasons. There are a lot of implications depending on which route you’re going, and it’s definitely helpful to have somebody helping you navigate this process, both for the parent as well as the adult children too.
Nancy Jones:
Definitely, there’s so much involved because they have so many belongings and so much furniture. You have to work very diplomatically with them, explaining why they can’t take all of that with them.
Mike Barnes:
Oh yeah, we moved my mom from a 2,500, 2,600 square foot house to a 900 square foot apartment. The scale is different. You can’t take the same size couch you had in a house to a small apartment, and just different things like that.
Kim Barnes:
What else are we forgetting? What’s a question that, as the adult children, we need to be talking with our parents about, or if we’re trying to work with a realtor?
Nancy Jones:
The adult child needs to be completely confident that you have the expertise to help them get through this. They may be facing a huge obstacle in that they may have to have an estate sale or something like that to get rid of all the furniture and all of those collections their parents have collected through the years. You need to be able to reassure them that you’re there to help them with every detail from start to finish because there’s just so much involved. And, as we mentioned earlier, help them sit down with the parent and talk about this so that they understand what’s going to happen and that it’s a positive thing for them.
Mike Barnes:
Yeah, it’s just tough.
Kim Barnes:
It is always hard.
Mike Barnes:
I think a lot of times the kids, even though we have memories of whatever house mom and dad have been living in, it’s easier for us to say, “Yeah, it’s time to sell,” but it’s harder for mom and dad to say, “Oh yeah, I agree.” It’s usually harder for them to finally pull that trigger.
Nancy Jones:
It is.
Kim Barnes:
And I think there’s an independence piece that gets lost in there too. This is the home that they’ve lived in, maintained, and taken care of. On one hand, the positive is you don’t have to mess with all of that—there are some parts of home ownership that aren’t so great. So, being able to move into a place where you get your meals and they are messing with the yard and doing all that other stuff, there are definitely positives to that. But I think there are challenges with making that decision. It’s a big decision.
Mike Barnes:
Yeah, it really is. Reaching out to a senior real estate specialist like you would definitely help.
Nancy Jones:
Absolutely, without a doubt. Yes, so I’m here to help anytime.
Kim Barnes:
Thank you, Nancy, we appreciate it.
Nancy Jones:
Thank you so much.
Mike Barnes:
Yeah, so many things to consider. It’s a difficult process, and if, as the adult child, you are in a different city, or just working and taking care of your kids as well, then it’s a lot to try to figure out on your own.
Kim Barnes:
It’s a big, big step.
Mike Barnes:
I know, and everyone has a different situation, a different predicament, different surroundings, different personalities, all of that. But I know that my mom and dad, when they finally sold their place, when your mom finally sold her place, both of them, both sets of parents, were extremely happy.
Kim Barnes:
Right,
Mike Barnes:
And my dad to this day says, “One of the smartest things you ever convinced me to do, thank you,” and your mom acts the same way.
Kim Barnes:
Right, it’s a big step, and I’m not saying it’s going to be perfect for everyone, but making that step and helping them along the way can really help.
Mike Barnes:
Right, and unfortunately, some parents are more willing to listen. Maybe that’s a topic for another video. But if you have other ideas for videos as well, be sure to let us know.
*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.