Lessons learned from taking care of elderly parents.
As an only child, Mary Anne Connolly found herself in charge of her parents’ care for 15 years. There were highs and lows. In this interview, she shares encouragement and lessons learned from that time.
“In a way, it was my duty. And it was my honor and my gift to be able to give back to them.”
The time she spent caring for her parents also gave her a passion to help “Change How We Age”. A site devoted to helping caregivers find the information and support they need.
You can find out more at: changehoweage.com
Read the full transcript
Transcript of YouTube Video: “Caring for Aging Parents: A Personal Journey”
Introduction
- Speaker: You know, in so many ways, if you’re watching this right now, you know it is tough being a caregiver. Absolutely. And there are so many stories of people who are in the middle of it as well as those who have finished that process, if you will. And today I’m excited to introduce you to Mary Anne Connolly, a good friend of mine and also a long-time caregiver.
Opening Remarks
- Mary Anne: Thank you so much for having me. I’m just so happy that you’re both doing this because it’s so needed.
- Speaker: Let’s start with you. You had a very successful career. You were doing all kinds of things, living internationally. Just… I think you were in New York and got that emergency call, right?
Initial Caregiving Experience
- Mary Anne: I was 37 when it started, and it was 2002. I got an emergency call that my mother was in the ICU and I needed to fly home to San Antonio as soon as possible. It pretty much started there. She did make it through those next few days and ended up in the hospital for six weeks, but I ended up caring for my dad more than my mom because he was unable to cook, clean, do laundry. He was old school, greatest generation, but without my mother, he was completely lost.
Challenges and Decisions
- Mary Anne: The first issues didn’t really start until the late 70s, and you have some big decisions to make. Throughout the 15-year period, we had six moves, and six of those moves were within four years, from every stage of independent living to memory care.
Lessons and Encouragement
- Mary Anne: I believe that they are transitioning into something more, and so that exit should be honored and less difficult. It can be more meaningful. I don’t regret any of the difficult moments because they taught me so much, kind of like being a parent.
Special Memories and Advice
- Mary Anne: Be fully present in whatever it is that they need at that time, even if it’s a difficult moment. Sometimes you need to walk away and let the caregivers or the staff do what they do best because you’re too close. But when you have special moments and special memories, and even when they don’t remember things but they’re enjoying something in the moment, that’s when you really need to make memories for yourself because you’ll never get that chance again.
Closing Remarks
- Speaker: Thank you. I’m so happy y’all are doing this, and I’m so happy I could just speak with you today. Thanks again. We appreciate it.
Conclusion
- Speaker: So if you have a caregiving story you want us to share or if you have any type of expert or advice that you’re looking for, let us know, and we’ll have it here on “Parenting Aging Parents.”
