Things to look for to help make the decision.
What do you do when living in their house is too much for Mom and Dad?
Moving to Independent Living is an option that many aging parents like. Some think it causes them to lose their independence or that it costs too much. But others say there is freedom, comfort and they’re in a better situation.
Tom Hutto is the General Manager of an Independent Care facility in the Dallas area. He talks with Mike Barnes of Parenting Aging Parents about what Independent Living has to offer, what scares people and how to have that conversation with Mom and Dad.
Read the full transcript
Transcript of Interview: “Moving aging parents to Independent Living?”
Mike Barnes:
Yeah, I think a lot of people have a little bit of anxiety, maybe some discomfort, maybe some feeling of being overwhelmed about moving from a home into independent living. So let’s discuss that right now. Tom Hutto is a general manager of an independent living facility in the Dallas area. Do you see that a lot when people come here to visit?
Tom Hutto:
Absolutely, and I think the biggest discomfort is the feeling of giving up independence if they move to a care facility or a senior facility. One of the great things about independent living is that if you can live independently but just can’t do what we call ADLs, which are cooking, mowing the yard, taking care of the house, those kinds of things, we take all that away from you. Your energy is just spent on living and enjoying the lifestyle.
Mike Barnes:
What is independent living? It’s one thing if it was assisted living or memory care. It’s independent—you really are independent and can do basically whatever you want, right?
Tom Hutto:
Exactly. We like to refer to ourselves as gracious retirement living because to say that everybody that lives here is totally independent is not true. Some people need some home health care, maybe from a family member or a professional provider. They can fill in the gaps without having to be in a care facility where every move is monitored. The fact that it is independent is appealing and less offensive to seniors.
Mike Barnes:
I think the other thing is it’s really good to get them in here and walk through the property and talk to some of the other residents that live here. I always tell the residents that they’re our best salespeople. They can talk about what it’s like to live here and help take away some of that anxiety. One lady comes to mind—her name is Jessie. She literally hid behind her kids when they were here because she was so afraid of this place. Now she’s like the queen of the place.
Tom Hutto:
The downside of being at home is that it can be isolating and can breed depression and anxiety. Let’s face it, we’re all busy and can’t get to Mom as much as we’d like. This is a built-in peer group. You’ll find people you enjoy sitting with, and I’ve seen people come in nearly catatonic and then, the next week, they’re joining in all the activities and having a good time. It’s very rewarding to see.
Mike Barnes:
Full disclosure, this is where my dad lives. Before he moved in, when my sister and I said he and Mom needed to move to independent living, his vision was the nursing home where my grandfather lived. It’s completely different. Do you think a lot of people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s have that vision instead of seeing what a place like this really is?
Tom Hutto:
Interestingly enough, as Baby Boomers like us age, we had a 15% rise last year in inquiries from Baby Boomers. They’re planning ahead and looking for their parents and themselves. They need to have a good online experience, but the best thing is to get them in here and let us do our job, which is discovering what we do that can fill in the gaps for them. I had a tour the other day with a lady living in a 55-plus community. She’s 87 years old and has no friends because everyone is younger and very active. She doesn’t have anything to do. Here, she would find people her age and activities she can participate in.
Mike Barnes:
You mentioned price earlier. Sticker shock scares a lot of people because there are rumors about high costs. How do you comfort people and keep them from being scared about that?
Tom Hutto:
You really have to understand the value of what we do and present it in a way they can embrace. It’s all-inclusive, meaning no electricity bills, great meals, and multiple options at every meal. If they want something different, we can accommodate. We’re not trying to bring people in to run a reform school for seniors. We want them to enjoy the lifestyle, feel like this is their home, and be part of the family. For some people, we are their family because their kids are all over the world. Allowing people to move throughout the community and live and enjoy the community is crucial.
Mike Barnes:
You mentioned the word “peace,” and I feel peace knowing that my dad is here. I think a lot of people would feel better about their parents being in a place like this. What can you say to help them find that peace and know that something like this is okay if they can afford it?
Tom Hutto:
Come see and listen to what an independent community is really like. I never pour coffee in the morning without noticing if someone is not here, and the residents will point it out too. If someone is missing, we check on them. Many times, I’ve found people in need or perfectly fine, but the community looks out for each other. There’s a strong sense of bonding among the residents, which isn’t the same with CNAs walking around. People find it a much better option than assisted living, especially with the high costs and the understanding that assisted living means paying one price but possibly needing more care and assessments.
Mike Barnes:
You’ve given us some great advice and tips, Tom. Thank you so much for that and for taking care of my dad.
Tom Hutto:
Thank you.
Mike Barnes:
If you have any other topics you’d like us to discuss, please let us know. Parenting Aging Parents.
*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.
