Making home safe for aging parents

by | Housing, Quality of Life

DIY tips to make your home safer and more comfortable to visit.  

Is your home safe for your elderly parents to visit? Is their home safe for them to live there?

You might be surprised how lighting, flooring, visual cues and even door knobs and handles can affect the visitability and livability of a home.

Jeff Gray is the founder of Forever Home. He talks with Kim and Mike Barnes of Parenting Aging Parents about simple Do It Yourself tips for making homes safer and more comfortable, while still appealing.

SPECIAL OFFER: If you’re interested in getting a plan to make your house or their house safer, Jeff has offered a 10% discount on their Visitability and Livability plans! Just let them know you’re with Parenting Aging Parents. Founding Family Members get an even bigger discount. Log into the member portal to find out more about the extra discount.
Click here for more information about their plans.
And, if you’d like a pdf of Jeff’s top tips – click here. 
Read the full transcript

Transcript of Interview: “Making home safe for aging parents”

Mike Barnes:

I think one thing that we’re figuring out is when our parents visit us or even around their house, you’ve got to make things safe, especially as they get older.

Kim Barnes:

Absolutely. There are things that can be tripping hazards or just not being able to see very well. Today we’re going to talk to Jeff Gray with Forever Home, and he is passionate about helping people be safer in their homes. Thanks so much for joining us.

Jeff Gray:

Thanks for having me. Great to be with you.

Mike Barnes:

What’s the first thing that we need to worry about as we want to make the home safe?

Jeff Gray:

Well, let’s just say this: what’s the number one goal? It seems obvious, but the number one goal is that mom or dad does not fall. So, this is all about preventing falls. Falls aren’t fun for anybody, but when you’re 80 years old and you fall, the ramifications can be really serious. So, that’s job one here—we’re going to talk about not falling. This is all about, I like the term you use, visibility. It’s kind of a little hard to say, but it’s not just visibility; it’s visibility. We want to make our homes accessible and easy for our parents to come visit, to start with.

Kim Barnes:

Yes, and you know what you find is that it’s easy to, you know, they say time flies and all of a sudden, mom or dad are visiting and they are walking with a cane or a walker, or they are having joint problems that weren’t so severe a while ago, but now suddenly our homes are not as safe and comfortable and navigable as they used to be. So, we need to make some changes.

Mike Barnes:

They shuffle a lot, shuffling their feet. So yeah, we have to be careful with that.

Jeff Gray:

Yes, yes, yes. More on shuffling later.

Kim Barnes:

So, we want our parents to be able to come and easily be able to visit us and be able to get around and be safe in our homes. Where do we start?

Jeff Gray:

By the way, I want to talk real quickly. Whenever we talk about making changes to the home, I always want to stress that this is about making it safer and more comfortable, but always with an eye and a focus on appeal. We’re not making your home unattractive. There’s no need to do that, so we don’t have to think that these changes are making your home ugly—they’re not. Number one thing we always want to talk about is light. Lighting is like number one, two, and three. And I want to stress we’re going to talk about some DIYs today, right? These are projects that you can do yourself, or maybe a small project for a handyman, but probably not. These are things you can do around the house. There are some projects you might want to look at that might be more expensive; we’re not going to talk about those today. These are things you could do this weekend that would make your house a lot safer.

So, let’s start with light. Two places—first of all, it sounds obvious, but we want to make sure that all the access points into the home are well lit. Front door, garage door, back door—these need to be well lit. Two bulbs are better than one. We want some redundancy in case the bulb burns out. Most people, the front door is okay. In the garage, maybe you look at a motion-sensitive light so it just turns on, and you don’t have to worry about turning on the light. Same with the back door.

Inside the house, we want to make sure that hallways are well lit and even the powder room. Think about motion-sensitive activation, like you walk into a dark hallway or the powder room, and the light just comes on. Also, replace your incandescent bulbs with either LEDs or CFL fluorescents. They’re brighter, and it’s a better spectrum for aging eyes because our lenses to our eyes can yellow a bit as we age. These simple lighting tips can make a huge, huge difference. It is, pound for pound, the biggest change you can make for the least amount of money. In fact, when I do in-home visits to evaluate a home for maybe some more work, I bring light bulbs every time and just give them away.

Mike Barnes:

Well, I’m like the light bulb Santa.

Kim Barnes:

And I love that. That’s just such a simple and easy fix. It doesn’t require putting in new lights; it’s just changing out what we have and making them brighter and more useful because it does affect the eyes, but that affects everything as far as moving around.

Jeff Gray:

Yes, it really does. You’d be surprised. We design our homes and we kind of have certain spaces that maybe are lit for effect and maybe a little bit more dramatic, but it’s good to adjust that for people who need the spaces to be brighter. We don’t want spaces to be glaring, but just make sure everything is well lit and maybe there’s some redundancy too, in case a bulb burns out, there’s another one to take its place.

Mike Barnes:

And when you think of that visibility, the more you can see, just how well-lit it is, the more you’ll be able to see. But also, so that when you’re walking around, making it so that it’s easy to tell when you’re leaving maybe carpet to tile or those different transitions between surface areas even, right?

Jeff Gray:

Yes, we’ll talk about that. By the way, we’re all humans. We kind of tend to venture forth. So, if mom or dad comes in and sees spaces that look safe, they’re going to go forward; they’re going to move into that space just like you would. But if that’s not safe, that’s where the accidents happen.

Kim Barnes:

Okay, you said lighting was one, two, and three. So, I don’t know what the second or fourth thing we’re looking at is, but what’s next?

Jeff Gray:

So, let’s talk a little bit about ease of use and comfort. A really easy fix—by the way, right at about 50% of people over 65 have arthritis, some form of arthritis. That’s a lot, right? I recommend replacing knobs with lever handles on any door, especially the front door. My previous home had a really neat front door, but it had one of those cool handles that you grab and then push the thing down, and there’s a lot to be doing at the same time. Just go with a nice lever handle; they come in all kinds of beautiful finishes. Especially on the front door, garage door, and back door, I recommend levers over knobs at any faucet. Turning on fixtures versus just lifting that thing up makes a big difference for someone with arthritis.

Also, think about toggle switches as opposed to traditional switches. These are not expensive changes. You can swap out doorknobs—don’t have to do all the doorknobs—but on the ground floor level, if you’re making your house more visible, think about someone coming to the home and opening the door. Knobs are a lot harder for someone with less grip strength and arthritis. You’d really be surprised at the challenge it is. By the way, want to hear a front door tip? A really cheap DIY that you can do to make your home more visible?

Mike Barnes:

Yeah, of course.

Jeff Gray:

You want to have a thing called a package shelf at the front door or wherever mom tends to come in. If she visits and comes in the garage, you can do this by maybe buying a little antique bench or a little piece next to a door. It’s great to have a place to set something down. That could be mom’s handbag, if you’re older, maybe you’ve got a present you’re bringing to a birthday party, or you’ve brought some food for Thanksgiving. Having a little spot to set things down can really make a huge difference. This is recommended for anybody when we do aging in place modifications. Small thing, costs almost nothing, with great payoff.

Kim Barnes:

I love just the little things that make a big difference. I’m thinking knobs mean don’t go there; leverage means making sure you can go in there.

Mike Barnes:

That’s right. That’s the clue.

Jeff Gray:

That’s the key.

Kim Barnes:

What’s next on our list?

Jeff Gray:

I think you brought this up, or maybe Mike did. Let’s talk about transitions a little bit, and specifically what I want you to think about is visual cues. Simply put, this is making sure that the top landing and the bottom landing of stairs are different contrasting colors to the staircase. A good friend of mine’s mom broke her ankle very recently, and they had tan sisal carpet and tan floors. Mom was coming down a very short set of stairs, and she just couldn’t see the transition and broke her ankle—a really severe break. So just take a look; if you have a long hallway, make sure that the entry point and the exit point have some transitions. You can do that with carpet, tile, or paint. It’s a pretty small thing, but when we’re navigating spaces, a lot of it is subconscious. Our eyes pick up cues to tell us where we are and orient us.

Also, if you have a hallway or a stairway—well, most of us have hallways and stairways—maybe think about putting a series of photos along each side, some art or photos. That creates a line that your eyes naturally follow. It just sort of tells the walker, the person, “Hey, I can see where I am and where I’m going.” It orients you.

Mike Barnes:

Yes, it also helps you navigate through visual cues, which are really important. A very cheap fix but something that makes a big difference to someone who maybe has some impairment in their ability to see or move or both. These are easy things to do that really make the house safer and more comfortable. We talk about safety all the time, but I don’t want to fail to stress comfort. Who doesn’t want to make their loved one more comfortable? It matters when we make these changes, not just for safety but also for comfort.

Kim Barnes:

You want them to feel welcome and not just think, “Okay, I got in the house, and I can only be in this room or I can’t leave this chair.” You want them to feel like they can get around. They can get up, go to another room. The bathroom is a place that you might need to make some changes.

Jeff Gray:

Yes. By the way, the number one most common home improvement for aging is to install a chair-height toilet, a commode—elevated, easier to sit on and get up from. Number one. Now, that’s a little bit more than a DIY for most of us. Most of us, yes. For most of us, there are some people who will do anything as a DIY. But there are very attractive options that elevate the height of the toilet that look good and get the job done. It’s a lot more comfortable. I have a very close loved one—I won’t tell you his name in case he watches this—but someone really close to me that’s older, and he really doesn’t like to go to hotels if he doesn’t get an accessible room. If it’s an older design of a hotel, the seats are very low, and it’s really uncomfortable.

I also think, if you’re up for it, you need to be able to find a stud to install it, but I do think installing a grab bar next to the toilet is really a great thing to do. Here’s a tip: if you want to install a grab bar, go online and shop for them. If you walk into your typical large big box store, you’re going to find options that kind of look like they’re in a hospital, that kind of chrome tubing. But if you go online, you can buy really fashionable, well-designed grab bars with cool finishes that match the decor of your bathroom. Do a little online shopping, buy the product there, and install it at home. You’ll be happy with the result.

Kim Barnes:

I know you’ve got a great story about a grab bar and a bathtub.

Jeff Gray:

I do. You want me to share that?

Mike Barnes:

Yes, yes.

Jeff Gray:

I was encouraging someone to make some changes to their bathroom. By the way, one of the things—this is not a DIY, but get beyond the DIYs and then start thinking later. Bathroom is a place where you really want to have a little bit of help. I was talking to this person, and they said, “Oh, I don’t need those grab bars.” I was visiting their home as a weekend guest, an 82-year-old guest, and I went into the bathroom and was in the shower I hadn’t been in before. It was an old shower with a tub that I stepped into, and there was something slippery in there. I started to go down, and I’m pretty fit. I work out every day. I started to flail, and I reached, and there was nothing, and I just dropped like a ton of bricks. I hit the deck hard. So, I always say, hey, when I recommend you install some of these things, I’m not recommending it because you’re old and incapable. There are some of these things that are just smart for all of us to do because a bathroom shower with nothing to grab onto is dangerous for any of us. I actually felt lucky I didn’t break something in that fall.

Kim Barnes:

Well, I would imagine that a lot of falls and injuries potentially happen in the bathroom.

Jeff Gray:

Yes, bathrooms are number one, but anywhere near water. We want to make sure that there’s not—when I do an inspection, I’m always looking to see if the water heater is leaking. But yes, the bathroom—we could do a whole other session on the bathroom.

Kim Barnes:

I love that tip because I think our aging parents may be hesitant because they feel like, “Oh, I don’t want you to do these improvements to your home or to my home because that’s for old people.” And I think, to your point and your story, that it really just makes it safer for everybody, whoever might be in there.

Jeff Gray:

Yes, 100% of what we’re talking about today is based on a design concept called universal design. Universal design is for everybody. All of these things fall under one or more of four things: security, safety, ease of use, and comfort. And I always add in beauty because they have to be good-looking. When you think about everything we just talked about, we can all use these things. We’re not doing things that are for old people, but we might be sort of thinking about it. I just don’t like anybody to feel like we’re making their home look like a hospital. I don’t want anybody who’s aging to feel that because they’re old, we need to do these things. It’s just not really what’s going on.

Kim Barnes:

It just helps us maybe start the conversation and realize that this would be a good thing to do no matter what. I would imagine that keeping tripping hazards away and just not having clutter all over the place, especially when you have any kind of visitor, so they’re not used to where you put things.

Jeff Gray:

Yes, I know it sounds like a simple thing, but clearing and decluttering is a big deal. You definitely want to have access points clear. If you have little kids, clear toys before mom and dad come over. However, look, we have rugs, runners, or mats in our homes. We don’t want to get rid of them, but when you make those choices, certain brands and certain manufacturers make rugs, runners, and doormats that are secure to the floor. I wouldn’t have a cheap throw rug that you could easily trip on. It makes a difference.

Clear and declutter, make sure things are out of the way, and certainly make sure that rugs are secure to the floor, tight to the floor, and of heavier composition. I would say, if you want to be extra nice, if mom or dad loves to help in the kitchen, go ahead and splurge a little bit and buy a really nice cushioning mat. Those stick to the floor, but it’s also nice. Dad and I love to cook together, so we do it all the time. Having a nice mat that’s cushioning for him, easier on his joints as he spends a half hour with you making dinner together.

Kim Barnes:

There you go. Definitely great tips for being able to help make our home more visitable, but also certainly the same kinds of tips that you could use in your parents’ home if that’s where they live and they need to have some of these changes as well.

Jeff Gray:

Can I tell you why I’m passionate about these DIY tips?

Mike Barnes:

Of course.

Jeff Gray:

It’s because it gets the ball rolling. Everything we just talked about is great for your mom or dad’s house, 100%. Absolutely. I find that when you start with the bigger picture, people get a little bit nervous. They start thinking, “Oh my gosh, I have to spend tons of money and do all this stuff to make my house safer.” I think the right way to approach it is to start with things that you can do all by yourself or your son or your grandson or your niece or nephew can come and do with you or for you. It gets the ball rolling. You can see the results, and it gets you thinking. Maybe later you’ll say, “Hey, after the first of the year, let’s get someone in to give us a quote on putting in a different shower.” But it’s so important to start and make some progress.

By the way, it gives you a great sense of knowing, “Hey, I’ve prevented the majority of the silly falls.” You’d feel horrible if mom or dad or you fell because there’s no light in the garage. It’s so preventable. It’s great to feel like, “Hey, we just knocked this out Saturday and Sunday. We did these projects, and we got this stuff out of the way, and the house is a lot safer and a lot more comfortable.”

Kim Barnes:

Absolutely. Start small and get the ball rolling.

Mike Barnes:

Jeff, thank you so much. Great tips for the DIY people out there.

Jeff Gray:

It was a pleasure. Thanks for having me. You guys are great fun.

Kim Barnes:

That’s right. People will be heading to the store to get some new light bulbs, think about the levers—just a lot of great, really practical tips that you can do yourself. And it is good to know that you’re making it safer for your parent but also for you too.

Mike Barnes:

If there’s any topic you’d like us to talk about with an expert, let us know on Parenting Aging Parents.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.

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