Is memory care right for your aging parent?

Transcript of Interview: ” Is memory care right for your aging parent?”

Mike Barnes:

Yeah, one of the toughest things about seeing your mom or your dad having Alzheimer’s dementia is that memory care is so important. It is so tough and it’s so emotional for everybody involved.

Kim Barnes:

Absolutely. It’s hard to know when is the right time. Is it the right time? Is it the right thing to do?

Mike Barnes:

Josie Winland is the Executive Director of Revere Court, a memory care place up in the Dallas area, up in Rockwall. She joins us now. Memory care is so tough for everyone, I think, for the people there and for the people involved, such as kids and relatives. How do you emotionally put your arms around it and help people through the process?

Josie Winland:

I think the best way, at least the most effective way that I’ve seen work, is really embracing the family but most importantly, working with a dementia professional who has walked in your shoes. Someone who truly knows what it’s like to place their loved one in memory care. It’s a really hard decision facing the family, emotional stuff, and being able to work with someone who can demystify the process but also be with you through the process. Every family is different, every loved one is different. Nobody is a cookie cutter, and I think that philosophy is very important to embrace through the journey.

Kim Barnes:

And Josie, how do you know when it’s the right time?

Josie Winland:

It’s the right time when the caregiver becomes concerned about the safety of their loved one. If their loved one may be wandering or leaving the property, that’s a time. If their loved one is getting confused and perhaps eating the wrong thing and you’ve had to call poison control, that’s a time. If your loved one is experiencing what we lovingly call sundowners syndrome, that’s a time. These are the times you really might want to think about it.
I would be remiss if I didn’t share with you that one of the most beautiful things that happens with absolute regularity is when a family brings their loved one into memory care for the first time. The family is stressed, nervous, concerned that it’s not going to work, and guilt-ridden. But when their loved one suddenly is amongst his or her peers, something beautiful happens. They no longer have to hide anything, they no longer have to feel like something’s wrong with them. They can sit with a group and tell the same story 16 times and no one in the group gets frustrated. For the residents, for the person on the memory care journey, it is a beautiful thing when they are finally at long last allowed to be amongst their peers.

Kim Barnes:

That’s really comforting to think about.

Mike Barnes:

To be completely transparent, my mom lives where you are, Revere Court, up in Rockwall. This has nothing to do with that, but the fact that when my sister and I, about a year and a half ago, knew my mom was going to need memory care and we talked to my dad about it, he said, “Okay, y’all need to find some place because I can’t do this.” We looked around at several places, including Revere Court. Not to praise you too much, because you all run a great place and you know that, but we loved Revere Court when we saw it. Of course, it took more than a year for us to finally get Mom moved in, but it’s so hard to find what’s going to be the best place for your loved one. Who has the best facilities to take care of them? Who has the best people to take care of them? I know that’s big for you as well.

Josie Winland:

It is huge. Everybody in long-term care, it’s a growing business. You can find places on every street corner, it seems. But the reality is, when the family leaves and their loved one is there, you want to really make sure that the people you met are hands-on. It’s not just someone that gave you a nice sales pitch. Everybody can do that. You want to know what the care is like, whether you interface with other families who have loved ones there, whether you look at their state regulation, their regulatory end of things to see if they’ve had clean state reports.
I hate to dumb it down so much, Mike, but one of the things that I do is when I walk into a community, I’m looking for the vibe. You walk in the door and it’s deathly quiet, and there’s not much life happening, especially in memory care. You want to hear laughter, you want to hear some music, and you want to be able to see engagement happening. Anyone who works in memory care should be engaging with your loved ones. So I always encourage families to be aware of who they’re talking to and not be afraid to walk away. It’s an important placement and an important thing. It’s also a journey. Not only is your loved one on a journey, but so are you as the kids taking care of their parents. You want to be able to communicate and have a good rapport and a good relationship with whoever the administrator is at that community and their team. What is their philosophy? We can all package these things up and make us look good, but it’s a vibe when you go in, you bond, and you feel it.

Kim Barnes:

Yeah, and can you talk a little bit about the difference in how the care might look in a memory care versus an assisted living or some other kind of community?

Josie Winland:

Sure, that’s a great question. Memory care specifically is focused and designed for someone who is coping with some form of dementia. Right now, there are about five different kinds of dementia that have been identified. That community needs to be specialists in all of those forms of dementia. Don’t hesitate to ask if anyone is a certified dementia practitioner or if the medical director has a memory care background. Those are important things.
What you want to do is look to see that life enrichment piece that is so far and away from just activities. It’s real engagement. Do you see administrative staff just sitting down, talking to a resident, and enjoying a little bit of time eating lunch with them? A memory care community is truly, if it’s run effectively, a community from the time you walk in, and everyone is involved. I have often told my families over the years that you know you’re in a good memory care if you walk in and see people sitting at a chair, maybe reading a newspaper, someone listening to music, someone folding socks, or holding a lifelike baby doll. Those are things indicating to me that the community knows how to engage their residents and keep them fresh and relevant.
At Revere Court, we implement the Montessori method, which essentially says nobody is cookie-cutter. Everyone is an individual, and that’s how we approach our programming. It’s always really cool to walk into a memory care where you don’t know exactly where a lot of the structure is because you’re walking into their home. You want to feel that. You may walk in sometime, and there’s an entertainer singing or trivia going on. It’s very important for someone looking for memory care to see if it’s a friendly and lively place. Never do you want to see a row of residents just asleep and not engaged.

Mike Barnes:

Finally, any advice for those of us who maybe are in the process and are not quite ready for memory care, either financially or because, like for my dad, he just wasn’t ready to move my mom? What do you do in those last months or even years when you’re just not quite ready to make the move into memory care? What can you do at home that’s similar to what they get in memory care?

Josie Winland:

The most important thing is if the family is going to embark on that because I fully respect that I was a caregiver for my dad for five years at home. Make sure that you as a caregiver are getting enough support. Through this fabulous Facebook group that you all have, the Alzheimer’s Association has many support groups available online, offline, those kinds of things. Caregivers experience burnout, and that’s when we become frustrated, our patience isn’t quite what it would be, and we start to physically get ill, especially if you are talking about a spouse taking care of another spouse. The last thing anyone really wants to do is place their loved one in memory care, but most families that I have interfaced with have waited about six months too long. By the time they get their loved one to us, they are so tired, maybe they’re sick, maybe they’re the dad who’s been taking care of his wife diligently and is to be commended for that, but now he’s more sick or tired.
I think it’s great to be talking about it, and the financial piece can be daunting. There are lots of options out there, so hopefully, if you tour a community, that community will be well-versed in how to assist with VA benefits and things like that. I’m so glad that you put this group together, and I hope that your followers, I wish them the best of luck. It’s not easy, it’s absolutely not easy, but it’s so rewarding. One thing I always tell my families when they move their loved one in is you finally get to be a daughter again. You finally get to be a son again. You’re not changing them or feeding them, and it helps that dynamic. You have the opportunity to form some new memories that are just lasting and much more positive.

Kim Barnes:

Josie, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it.

Josie Winland:

Absolutely. Thank you for having me and most importantly, thank you for letting me take care of your mom. She is just dynamite. I love her.

Mike Barnes:

Thank you very, very much. My mom is great, and it’s been tough on us. It’s been, what, four months now, and it’s been especially tough on my dad. But people at Revere Court or anywhere, and there are so many places out there, wherever you are around the country, there are places to look at and to consider, and it’s going to be better for the person involved and for all of us.

Kim Barnes:

Great advice to really look around, get the vibe, and see what to look for.

Mike Barnes:

Yeah, get the vibe here because we’re happy to help in any way we can. If you have any topics you’d like for us to talk to an expert about, please let us know.

*This transcript is auto-generated. Please excuse any typos or mistakes.